This is my confession of not going to confession, lol. I'm not a very good catholic because if I was, I would have gone to confession at least once in the past year. I have not. In fact, I have only gone to confession twice in my life. My first confession and then when I went to RCIA as an adult. To be honest, I'm truly scared to go. It has nothing to do with my sins. I'm not afraid of confessing my sins. What is keeping me from going then?
Well, since I grew up Catholic, I know some things that they don't teach in RCIA anymore. I remember my first confession (vaguely) and I remember having to memorize certain things and say things at certain times but I have no idea what it was that I had to remember. It's been way too long but I thought they would teach me what to say in RCIA but they didn't. Now if I hadn't been raised Catholic, I probably wouldn't even have this problem but I was raised Catholic and I know better. I had a really difficult time at my last confession because I felt like I should know what to say but I didn't. Father Mike was awesome but I didn't get anything out of going because it was masked by fear and embarrassment. So I have not been since.
A few of the girls in my MOMS Sharing group have been trying to get me to go since before Christmas and I decided that I would just go ahead and get it over with some time during Lent. My friend Jennifer has a good friend that is a Monsignor that is coming into town this week. I've met him and he's really nice. I would have never known he was a Monsignor if she hadn't told me first. She's trying to get me to come over on Thursday night so Monsignor Cusak can hear my confession. On one hand, I've met him and had a pretty long conversation with him about why I left the Navy and so it might feel a little weird or awkward. On the other hand, at least when I tell him how many years it's been since my last confession, I know he won't react badly since he already knows it's been a long time. Plus, next time I go to confession at St. Stephen's, I won't have to tell Monsignor Scully it's been years since my last confession, lol.
I've already looked up the information I need on the internet (I'm not sure why I didn't think to do that last time). Hopefully, I can memorize the Act of Contrition in the next 2 days.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Confession...
Posted by Karen at 7:52 PM
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6 comments:
I haven't been to confession in many, many years. I know that I need to go, but I'm afraid to confess my horrible sins to a priest that I have to see and speak to every week at church. It would be nice to be able to confess to someone I don't have to see on a regular basis.
Oh, yeah.. If you grew up Catholic, why did you have to go to RCIA? Just wondering.
I went to public school and as soon as I received my first Reconciliation and first communion, I was done. My mom didn't take us to CCD anymore and we stopped going to church. After I got out of the Navy and started going back to church, I went through RCIA so I could become confirmed. Plus, it was a good refresher course.
You could always go to a church near you for confession since your church is in Tampa. You won't have to worry about the priest knowing you.
I was never confirmed either. I went through all of the CCD classes for it (I was out of Catholic school at that point) but when they told us we had to wait another year for the bishop to come to our church, I stopped going to church and didn't go back until about 4-5 years ago.
Of course, at my church, they told me I could just take the CCD class with the kids to get confirmed. But that just seems too weird to me.
And you do know that confession isn't mandatory, Karen...it's a bonus way to get things off your chest but God fogives you of any sins you confess in private during mass as well. We just had Father Jude, a Jesuit brother, come to speak at Nativity all last week for our parrish lenten mission and he did actually say that. He added that it's "us" that don't feel forgiven or can't let go but that going to confession isn't required to be forgiven. So not to add to your struggle but that's another thought.
Andrea
That's interesting to know, Andrea. I know that I've prayed to God to ask forgiveness for my sins, but I still feel that I am required to go to confession to truly be absolved of them.
I'll have to think about this and see if I can convince myself to just let it all go.
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